Monday, October 31, 2005

long time, no "poem"

فقال آدم هذه الآن عظم من عظامي ولحم من لحمي . هذه تدعى امرأة لأنها من امرءٍ أخذت . لذلك يترك الرجل أباه وأمه ويلتصق بامرأته ويكونان جسدا واحدا .... من 18 إلى 25 ، الإصحاح الثاني ، سفر التكوين .



Posted by SaudiEve at 7:28 AM 0 comments links to this post

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Three funerals and a wedding


Every once in a while, I have one of those days/weeks/months.. when by coincidence everybody around me is going thru a bad time. Whether its money problems, marital problems, health problems…etc. And I, being very sensitive to any negative energies from others, feel like I’m going thru all their problems, combined!

This week was kindda hard.. it was one of those weeks! Plus, it started with news of three funerals that I’ll have to go to… I don’t think I hate funerals as much as I should!.. yes, they terrify me. Yes, they make me think of my own mortality. Yes, they exhaust me. And yes, they are filled with negative emotions that I somehow manage to pick up for days to come.. in short, this week had “very hard week” written all over it! Plus, I had so many other obligations…

Anyway, Today, I heard, by chance, of how a very sweet sweet sweet friend (who is ten years my senior) that I lost touch of years ago, had finally met her Mr. Right when everybody was saying that it’s too late for her, everybody was snooping into her personal life and saying to her very depressing things, especially when she refused a suitor some years ago girls were saying to her that she’s stupid to refuse him cause he is definitely gonna be the last man to propose marriage to her.. well, it was so nice to hear of her new-found happiness… I wish her everything she wishes for herself J

Posted by SaudiEve at 12:37 AM 0 comments links to this post

Saturday, October 29, 2005

The thing about great lovers...



Him: Don’t you like it when I call you “your majesty”?
Her: oh no, ……on the contrary ……. I do intensely
Him: then why don’t you answer to it?
Her: ……
Him: don’t worry 7bebte, you’ll get used to it in time
Her: I don’t think that’s the problem



Being in love with a lover who takes you to new depths of love …who loves you well ….. is a risk.
Its kinda like ur first time swimming , u don’t know what to expect in this totally new territory .. Uncharted land of your heart.
Words they say, the frequency of their need for you, how easily they express their feelings are but a few of what would affect your life and your way of loving forever … They will set new standards that any following lover for a life-time will either have to be compared to and fail , or compete with and fail as well….. Some lovers push the margin so far ahead that no one before or after them would even come close to how much they managed to touch of your heart and soul, and how they satisfied needs in you that even you were oblivious that they exist before. They’ll leave you with such high standards that nothing competes …. Nor satisfies you. Thus, rightfully gaining the description/brand/tag/title for the rest of your life as “the love of my life”.



Posted by SaudiEve at 9:15 AM 0 comments links to this post

Friday, October 28, 2005

Love –itself- is mad at me



When your mad at someone you either stay away from them, or intentionally try to hurt them/get back at them, right?….
Love, has been doing both of these “anger expression methods” to me for quite a while now..
I’m having a hard time dealing with the anger of a normal human lover… what chance do I stand dealing with love –itself- being mad at me?

How can one show remorse to (ystsm7 mn) love?
Maybe by doing what love loves!
Ok, What does love love? Flowers (but I live in a desert!), romance (but that needs a heart and I don’t have one!), sweetness (which indicates giving… bad idea!), ….. oh! I give up! … this thought is complicated (and a bit far fetched too) it’s making me MAD…
hmmm! Maybe that’s what love loves!

Posted by SaudiEve at 4:52 AM 6 comments links to this post

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Aura’s and sexual intercourse


(this one’s for KING AL-RASHID, who said to me that this blog needed to be sex-ed up)

I’ve been reading a book called “Practical psychotic self-defense for home and office”. Usually, that book isn’t my kinda book, but a very close friend (and a very good people-reader) gave it to me and said “read it, you’ll find it interesting”, and so I did!

What caught my attention (and interest) was the experiment/practice that facilitates “Aura’s” to prevent getting any unwanted bad energies from others, such as negativity and pessimism, depression, laziness.. etc. According to the book, you can achieve that by closing your “Aura”. And according to the book –this is the interesting part- closing your “Aura” –in a nutshell- could be achieved by wrapping your arms and wrapping your legs (in a certain way off course). This physical state should transform you mentally and spiritually into a powerful self-sustained state… (hmmm).

Here’s my two cent’s…
If ….. one can turn to a state of inner peace, protect one’s self from harmful feelings , and be in a strong energy field…. When one closes his “Aura” I,e, wrapping his arms and legs close to his body
If….. At sexual intercourse (regular position/merchants) the female might wrap her arms around the male.. and her legs! The male could also wrap his hands around her!
If …. At sitting up position both male and female wrap both hands and legs around each other….
Do you know where I’m heading with this…!
Then.. could it be concluded that during sexual intercourse each one male and female are in closed “Aura” mode I,e, in peace ….
Further more, could it be possible that during sexual intercourse two “aura’s” inter-merge !
If so, do they make a stronger “aura”, with stronger soothing protecting effects!
May be it just becomes one … thus would it be safe to say their bodies become one and their “aura’s” (energy fields) … knowing that each tangible thing on this earth has an energy field surrounding it … does that mean that they have literally become “one”.

What do you think!

P.S: I wrote this post in a hurry, I’ll try to come back and edit it.


Posted by SaudiEve at 1:17 AM 9 comments links to this post

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

The oll "why do ya blog?" question





I’ve always been kind of a private person. I don’t befriend people easily. Although people always seem to just wanna confine in me and tell me their whole life stories like I’m their best friend soon after meeting me!, yet I don’t open up easily. To me, it takes time to open up, I must first make sure of one’s openness and discreteness before I talk. I am not picky or anything, but one thing I cannot take … judgmental people! Being an analytical philosophical observer that believes everything in this world is “relative”, and thus is subject to further interpretation and speculation (nisbe) I need a non-judgmental listener.

Having said that, I must also add that six years ago I –out of a sudden- found myself friend-less… my true friends… the close ones I could talk to, reach out for in time of need, and share feelings of happiness and sadness with were no more. Some moved to far away countries never to come back again, some chose the no coming back turn from friends to lovers, some went religious (Saudi style! Which doesn’t tolerate speculators like me), some … etc.

I do have friends now, but they are what I’d categorize as semi-friends .. They could never fully get me or feel me… nor could they rely on me as a friend… they are –all- decades older than me, they worry about their grandchildren while I’m a twenty-something single gal with worries like “does true love really exist?” or “when is it time to get physical with a new lover?” , they work hard to pay their debts while I work too but my daddy still pays for my vacations/cars/…...

In conclusion, and to answer the question every blogger eventually must ask himself; I blog because my blog is my friend.
I just hope that this friend isn’t one of those semi-friends that never fully get me ;-)

Posted by SaudiEve at 11:09 PM 4 comments links to this post

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Every man loves his mommy



While closely observing three couples in new love affairs, during the past month, I noticed some almost identical behavior patterns in common between all couples.

Phrases like “I’m sick”, ”didn’t eat all day”, ”work/collage was hard today”, “I felt bad and needed you”.. etc. were articulated by all the men in the previously mentioned affairs within a period of one month. On the other hand, phrases like “you should take better care of yourself”, “you should eat”, “tell me the subject of your assignment and I’ll google it for you”, “do you need me?”.. etc. were articulated by all the women, and within that same month!.

These observations made me try to answer these questions; by facilitating the female’s sympathy, what common human feeling did those men seek from their female lovers? In addition, by practicing care taking, what common human feeling did those women seek from their male lovers? Bearing in mind that the women/men in these love affairs were of different ages, horoscope signs, and ethnic backgrounds!.

The answer came to me when I noticed a close resemblance between these previously mentioned words/situations and how a mommy treats her little children. I think each woman loves, when she loves, in a motherly fashion. In addition, I think that each man loves, when he loves, in a child-like fashion. With that in mind, one can explain so many seemingly unexplained woman/man behavior in a love affair context.

anyway, just doing some irrelevant unimportant thinking and stating the obvious to avoid thinking of what's really on my mind ;-)





Posted by SaudiEve at 8:25 AM 3 comments links to this post

Saturday, October 22, 2005



: hi
: hi , how are you ?
: (pause) are you …. mad ….at me ?
: (long pause) ….. I just miss you


I used to know by heart a sweet poem that tells of how two lovers who’ve been quarreling solve their problems with out words as if their hearts did the talking.

ارى حبيبي فإذا التقينا
تكلمت الضمائر في الصدور

فأرحل لم ألمه و لم يلمني
و قد رضي الضمير عن الضمير

أمور ليس يعرفها سوانا
يحير لطفها بصر البصير

Posted by SaudiEve at 9:31 AM 5 comments links to this post

Friday, October 21, 2005


I was watching a T.V. series the other night called “the L word”, and one of the characters used the term “emotionally crippled”. Eureka!!!! Finally a term that describes the relationship phenomena
i've been facinated by lately.

well, it is a phenomena! even teen-age girls now-a-days turn pragmatic when it comes to matters of the heart!

P.S: sorry, can't do this in-depth analysis now ... i'll get back to it later :-)

Posted by SaudiEve at 9:09 AM 1 comments links to this post

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Today’s wish



To: to the one who wronged me..

A great wrong has been done today. A young girl with little experience in this world took something from me that wasn’t hers; She stole from me through a lawyer.
I believe in God and in him being just, and in his grand plan. Thus, I know he will take revenge for me from her, and I know it has happened for my best; may be God will forgive some of my sins because I endured this awful experience, or God will reward me by giving me much needed peace and serenity.

My Wish: young girl who’s wronged me and stole from me, I wish that God be merciful while taking revenge from you.

Posted by SaudiEve at 1:36 AM 3 comments links to this post

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Love by agreement of the two mentioned parties

You can never plan love affairs/relationships, right!
Even if you start out with some form of mutually agreed spoken rules like secrecy, no strings attached, no big fuss casual everyday relationship…etc. things always go in unanticipated directions.

In a hot august night they jokingly said what if ….
Followed by lots of what ifs ….
Two months later, he’s conffessing love to her, asking for her permission to tell the whole world he’s found the one he was looking for all of his life….He said: i wanna tell the whole world i found her, in a hot august night, while agreeing upon secrecy while planning a casual no strings attached no fuss everyday kinda affair!


Love is by all means unpredictable.


Posted by SaudiEve at 8:51 AM 2 comments links to this post

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Grandma’s and grandpa’s



While surfing the web and reading some of my fellow blogers’ posts I came across what yousef wrote about grandma’s and grandpa’s in ( http://abuhamad.blog.com/364598/) …This post brought up some memories to me.

Last year I lost my grandpa, he was the last one … my other grandpa and my two grandmoms died years earlier … and although he was the least closest one of them to me ( coz I live in a different city ) I cried him more than I did the others … one thought was with me when I got the news of his death: all the people who truly love me unconditionally have died.

The thing about grandma’s and grandpa’s is that - unlike other people who love you - they never expect anything from you , they r just glad you are there and they are here to see u . They don’t expect you to have good grades, to do home chores, to make them happy…etc.

Allah yr7m jdane … o kl mawta almslmeen wa almo2mneen (Amen)


Posted by SaudiEve at 1:27 AM 0 comments links to this post

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Cruel Hope



“Things that don’t kill us, make us stronger”

We all know that we get tougher with each hardship that comes our way. We save that power and it helps us the next time we encounter another hardship. Even our initial reactions of shock and panic gets a little bit milder as we become stronger from having been-there-done-that. I’ve seen this system at work with traumas like being hurt physically, being diagnosed with a disease, being in a financially tight situation, etc. But is that logic still true if the trauma in question is; False Hope? Do we get stronger in the face of false hope as any other form of trauma thus it becomes easier each time it hits us? Or does each false hope come as an accumulation to its previous ones thus hitting us as neither new nor an accustomed to experience each time?

In his Waste Land, T. S. Eliot described giving hope to the hopeless as “cruel” ( APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding Lilacs out of the dead land) … Thru my experiences with false hopes( and I’ve had many ;-( ) , I tend to agree with that opinion…. but I’ll get back to that subject with more analysis later on when I have enough time ( and heart ) for it ….



* * * * * * *


exerpt from the Waste Land
By; T. S. Eliot


APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding

Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing

Memory and desire, stirring

Dull roots with spring rain.

Winter kept us warm, covering

Earth in forgetful snow, feeding

A little life with dried tubers.


Posted by SaudiEve at 3:35 AM 3 comments links to this post

Friday, October 14, 2005

The girl who bought a tie



In a cool October night an unlikely group of female friends gathered; some single, some in long-term relationships, some engaged, and some married. Some un-employed (3a6l), some still go to school, some in college, some were employees, and some were businesswomen. Their ages spanned from 18 to 38. Yet they all had one thing in common; they were all looking for “love”.

Their target was the same, but their means of getting it were drastically different! “G”, who’s a novice in these realms, chose waiting and praying for love to come her way. “S” on the other hand, who was a thirteen-year expert, chose to mathematically beet the odds and thus try to get in as many relationships as she possibly can until one day she’ll find love. “F” chose to be practical and as the saying goes: “if you can’t have the one that you love, love the one that you have”, unfortunately, in her situation, the one that she had was a guy with zero-merits; he didn’t love her, nor was he faithful to her, nor was he a “no looks but a good personality” kinda guy, nor was he in anyway handsome, nor was he what anybody would call “a catch”. “L” who was convinced that love in Saudi Arabia was killed a long time ago (may be during the early-eighties or sometime close!) chose to look for love abroad, at first she tried neighboring countries with little luck, and now is trying the non-neighboring countries ;-) relying on some evidence that love is still alive there. “M” chose to find love using a hunter-like method: quickly and abruptly go in, take all you can take, then quickly go out never looking back at the people you hurt in the process thus maximizing one’s profits and minimizing one’s losses. “T” who was a perfectionist who quickly gives up hope of a tried and failed method, had read somewhere while studying Fung Shui that if you buy your awaited lover a gift and place it in a certain spot in your room its magnetic field will act as an invitation to him and he’ll come soon to claim his gift.. And now there is a Chanel tie in a neatly wrapped gift box sitting on her love corner. “O” had given up hope a couple of years ago on the whole male gender and chose to be a lesbian.. yet, years after taking that decision ; she’s still looking for love just like the rest of us heterosexuals.

In a cool October night an unlikely group of female friends gathered who were all looking for “love”. May each one of them find what she’s looking for in her strange own little ways ;-)





Posted by SaudiEve at 3:47 AM 2 comments links to this post

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

The Angel


For about eleven years, he has been there for me thru thick and thin. Loving me even when I was unlovable, needing me even when I had nothing worth needing, and hearing me when I needed a friend. And for eleven years I’ve called him “My Angel”.

Many women have their Angels; those who can give you love like no other but are always “right guy, wrong situation” kindda man. For me, the wrong situation factor had to do with the ethnicity of my Angel thus our love – like the bastard son of lovers from two fighting tribes - could only go so far.

As the years went by, I started growing some demands that my Angel – who was bound by our forbidden love situation- couldn’t provide me with. A child, a home, a husband, a financial\life partner, security, someone who’d sleep next to me and not creep out of bed before sunrise etc. And as my demands grew and my biological clock started ticking it was only natural that I start looking for these things thru others, which deeply hurt my angel. The thing is; it seemed perfectly natural to me that my angel would be hurt but it didn’t seem right to me that his demands had to take over my needs. What my angel didn’t realize is that looking for these things with others hurts me too and going thru hopes and false hopes with out him by my side to comfort me hurts me extremely. It felt like having the most loving mother yet having to look for a mother\child relationship with another! It just didn’t feel right!

For more than five years a seemingly non-ending cycle of pain went on; I need, he can’t give, I try to get from another, he feels jealous, I get hurt by his jealousy, he resents my hurt. In short; a great misunderstanding grew between us and a conflict of interests, he wanted me to be happy as long as it was with him! Our love betrayed us both.

For about eleven years, “My Angel” has been there for me thru thick and thin and if God wills it, I would be there for him when i’m with another.


* * * *




Lyrics from the song "When We Dance"
By: Sting

If he loved you
Like I love you
I would walk away in shame
I'd move town I'd change my name
When he watches you
When he counts to buy your soul
On your hand his golden rings
Like he owns a bird that sings
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings

I'm still in love with you
[I'm gonna find a place to live
Give you all I've got to give]
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings

He won't love you
Like I love you
He won't care for you this way
He'll mistreat you if you stay
Come and live with me
We'll have children of our own
I would love you more than life
If you'll come and be my wife
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings
I'm gonna love you more than life
If you will only be my wife
I'm gonna love you more than life
If you will only be my wife
I'm gonna love you night and day
I'm gonna try in every way



Posted by SaudiEve at 1:06 AM 0 comments links to this post