Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Power of repetition

Power of repetition



This friend of mine used to say to me…. Everyday for thirteen years say to me… in the sweetest manner say to me....
no one will ever love you as much as I do.
no one will ever love you as much as I do.
no one will ever love you as much as I do.
no one will ever love you as much as I do.
no one will ever love you as much as I do.
no one will ever love you as much as I do.
no one will ever love you as much as I do.
no one will ever love you as much as I do.
no one will ever love you as much as I do.
no one will ever love you as much as I do.
no one will ever love you as much as I do.


This friend of mine loves me no more, now I know.. everyday I feel it more and I know.. after thirteen years it is no more.. and I know:
no one will ever love me.
no one will ever love me.

..

..


Posted by SaudiEve at 1:12 AM 55 comments links to this post

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Contingency Plan..

Contingency Plan..
(stream of thought while waiting for my turn)




"Every Dog has it's Day"


... second time I catch that man looking at my hands. is it the French-manicure?… I don't remember why I had it done… wonder if he loves the same way he –the one who says "come and stay"- loves? if he smells the same?.... oh! Ya, the important meeting in Riyadh! that's why I had my manicure done… two weeks from now I'll have it redone for him.. him, the one who says "come and stay"… I'll trim my hair.. buy some new stuff.. and board a plane to go be loved, and saved.. I wonder if it's gonna be the same, This time?.. one year has passed… one year.. one year since that august night.. one sweet year… one year of missing.. one year of hearing "come and stay"… one year of going but never staying.. nights we slept next to each other.. nights we parted.. the third time was the hardest.. days we woke up together.. I make coffee, he irons my skirt… days I came back to him.. one year, always to come back again, never to stay.. yes, this time will be different…. It .. might ..be the las-


-oh i mustn't think of that.


.. mustn’t think of his up-coming relocation… that he's going to a far away place.. where I cannot just hop on a plane and be in his bed, saved, in two hours… must think of something else.. can't think of that. …not now.. not here… not with all these men looking at me… that I won't have someone to love me … save me.. …. must think of anything else, anything…where's that handsome man waiting for his turn?.. oh, he's still looking at me.. at my tiny wrists now … he's really good-looking .… exactly the way I like'em.. his hands.. his face… his.. I wonder if he loves the same way he –the one who says, everyday says, for a whole year "Come and stay, Come and stay, Come and stay, Come and stay…


..

..


Posted by SaudiEve at 1:36 AM 24 comments links to this post

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

-Invited..

-Invited..





If you were a bird, and lived on high,
You'd lean on the wind when the wind came by,
You'd say to the wind when it took you away:
"That's where I wanted to go today!"*




How good it would've been, to be with you in Budapest today..
We'd sit quietly reading from a book -any book. You'd cook something, anything you wanna cook. I'd calmly say: "that's what I wanted to eat today". You'd be sweet to me as a little boy, and I'd be watching the rain as I said I would..

Then –fed and calm- I'd sleep the night away,

had I been with you in Budapest today.


________________
* From: Spring Morning by A.A. Milne (author of the Winnie the Pooh stories)

Posted by SaudiEve at 9:59 AM 20 comments links to this post

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

On Yahoo/CBS/ALJAZEERA Frontpage

..
..
My fellow bloggers,
Now that I have the attention of the world.. I'd like to say one quick thing:
yippee!





I guess.



Posted by SaudiEve at 4:48 AM 35 comments links to this post

Monday, June 19, 2006

just a thought.. another thought

..

..

Another project.. another business plan.. a marketing plan.. a branding plan.. a breathing plan .. a not-go-insane plan.. will it ever work?.. is this the one?.. have I finally reached my goal?.. or is it just another project.. another plan..


Another day.. another cup of coffee.. another newspaper.. another road.. to another meeting.. that leads to another business trip.. another hotel.. another room.. and another man to go with it.. will it ever work?.. is he the one?.. or is it just another fling.. another man..

..
..

Posted by SaudiEve at 3:37 AM 44 comments links to this post

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Maria; give!

I simply ask for your body
as Christians pray:
"Give us this day
our daily bread!"
Maria; give!

(1914-1915) Vladimir Mayakovsky

_____________________


: can I ask something of you?

: sure, anything.

: love me more!… love me as much as you possibly can .. love me for all the men who didn’t love me… all of them at once

: … but I thought they all did

: they didn’t, baby, none of them did

: they didn’t love you yet they all relentlessly pursued you?

: …

: oh, I see.. “they just wanted you for your p#ssy”

: ..I’m afraid it might’ve been the.. other.. way around.
..

Posted by SaudiEve at 3:04 PM 12 comments links to this post

Friday, June 16, 2006

Nothing to be done

Nothing to be done..


..a quiet
weekend at home,
Finally.
(well,
between two homes,
Actually.)
time to read, watch T.V., write, cook, listen to music..

I highly recommend..
Watching:
Woody Allen's Bananas, How to Succeed in Business without Really Trying
Having a mind-stimulating conversation about: modern inventions Vs. evolution theory
Reading:
(أحسب الناس أن يتركوا) ؟! Scribbles:Walking up the hill...
Checking out:
Marcel Khalife CONCERT SCHEDULE
Drinking: Moroccan tea
Listening to: Abu
baker salem- ma 3lena ya 7bebe (the original version), anything by Aznavour
Cooking: Gourmet homemade-from-scratch hamburgers

And, last yet not least, I recommend..
Carpe diem.


i'll update the list as the weekend progresses.

________________

Update (Some more good reads)
Raf*'s posts what I'd call :
world cup 06 for dummies
عندما تذهب إلى الكنيسة
يوميات

________________



- Well, shall we go?
- Yes, let's go.
They do not move.
Curtain.

_____________
two quotes in red are first and last lines of Samuel Beckett's Waiting for Godot .

Posted by SaudiEve at 2:33 PM 10 comments links to this post

Monday, June 12, 2006

Notes on a very bizarre May journey..






Paris, hit and.. stand!!!
I wasn't wearing anything especially objectionable nor especially attractive ( a white semi-fitted t-shirt and a red knee-high skirt)
I wasn't looking angry, happy, I might even have had no specific expression on my face..
I wasn't doing anything any certain race/gender/religion/crazy person might find objectionable..
I was just walking in the very crowded
paris pompidou center area, on a nice Parisian afternoon, when a very short thirty-something woman jumped towards me (yes, she didn't run, she jumped in a superman manner), kicked my left leg with all the power God gave her, then stood ominously, staring at me. Ready to strike again.

I, horrified yet having all my survival instincts kicking in..
Suppressed my famous high-pitch scream,
didn't move an inch,
then very very slowly looked at other people without even moving my head…

nobody helped.

A few long, long, eternal minutes later an African-American family of four jumped in for my rescue (their sweet accent can't be mistaken for another).. oh those heroes!
they spread around me, circled me, one on every side. I bet people watching thought they were my own personal bodyguards :-)

For me, what they did means they must've been my family in a previous life.

I didn't even thank them. I just started crying the minute I was out of immediate danger and walked away… walked and didn't stop, didn't even look back, for blocks and blocks and blocks, till I reached my hotel on the other side of the city, went to my room, and slept in my clothes and shoes with my cellular phone/credit cards in my pocket till the next day.


Talk about being traumatized!



NYC, shokran
If you ever go to New York City you MUST stay (or brunch) at this hotel..

Jumeirah Hotel on central park south (which I keep on referring to as Park lane, because it reminds me of London's park lane)



First time I stumbled upon this place I met this guy in the weirdest way.. he held the door for me. And even though it didn't meet a single Arab in NYC I unexplainably didn't say "thanks" or "merci" but just said "shokran"!
to which he replied "3afwan"!!
We both looked shocked at first, then had the biggest smiles on our faces.. it turned out he's Emiratee.



Well, this ain't the only reason I fell in love with this hotel. But rather cause during an-all-business trip to NYC, It became my "me-time" place. It had all I needed to be transformed from "angry-over-worked-Eve" to "happy-Eve" (well, just at morning hours, to be more precise); rich cappuccinos, some Arabic newspapers, and very luxurious surroundings in a not-so-luxurious city.




Seattle, 2nd floor elevator
We had only met each other four days ago.. but I realized, when I unexpectedly gave him the warmest, longest hug good-bye while we both quietly stood waiting for the elevator after what I thought was our last dinner together on my last night in Seattle, that though we seem to be going in opposite directions; him two floors down to the lobby, I two floors up to my room, that we were both treading the same path; two un-Saudi Saudis in Seattle..

Coming to this conclusion gave me a much needed dose of feeling safe, as I knew I made a friend for life, and I knew God does listen to a worried mom's prayers to send her little girl helpful strangers when caring-close-ones are all on other continents.

We had only met each other four days ago.. a friend called him from Saudi with an-all-familiar-message to any Arabic-over-sees student: hey, a friend-of-a-friend is coming to Seattle, for the first time, and doesn't know a single soul out there, take care of her.

he did.





Beirut, "Saudi fuck-ups welcomed here"
One of the things I love about Libnen –and I'm sure many Saudi's agree- is that the minute I land in Beirut rafe2 el7arere airport 9/11, with all it's horrendous effects on me the normal-everyday-Saudi that had nothing to do with it, is no more.

Furthermore, as far as a Saudi is concerned, in libnen, it is as if time stopped decades ago.
which I didn't really notice before till I came to Beirut from JFK New York City (via Frankfurt), On a united airlines flight!.

A half Lebanese friend once told me " ..in Libnen, Every Saudi is literally treated as royalty. You guys all have diplomatic immunity here. It is kind of as if the oil boom has just happened yesterday. To us, no Saudi is an unemployed, deeply in debt, and here to waist what little dollars they sold their car for. It is still the seventies here" ..

Some might say that we -Saudi's- feel our best in Beirut because we love being treated like royalty, which does have some truth to it since we do perceive ourselves as being all royalty. and it serves our sick qabale background to be treated as royalty; thus better than other nations (especially madane nations). But I see it differently, to me yes, we Saudi's feel our best out of all the cities of the world in Beirut. even, sadly but very true more than we do in our own country. because Beirut gives hope to a hopeless Saudi. Beirut, like a loving mother of a spoiled out of job fifty-something son who wasted the last penny of his inheritance on zilch, it –beirut- still sees us as promising as we were in the seventies, and it still treats us as the average joe/3bdul when the rest of the world , justifiably, looks at us as either the not-so-average-usama or the delusional Casanova-wanna-be.

But why, why does libnen treat Saudi's with this undeserved respect? I think althou the surface reason might seem to be cause of our much needed dollars…. I do differ. I think it has more to it than that. In my opinion, it might have to do with the fact that libnen a country so promising yet ever failing all expectations of all other countries knows exactly how it feels to be a fuck-up. And that even a fuck-up needs to be cut some slack.

So, thank you libnen for being a place where a Saudi, who is entitled to respect from time to time, still gets it.

Posted by SaudiEve at 12:14 AM 15 comments links to this post

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Still Blocked, Still Blogging (about sex, God, and Jewish prayers)



1st thought..On being blocked

(when it comes to preposterous acts that I cannot even begin to fathom, like censorship, I'm speechless … so I'll use some quotes to express my thoughts)

I never heard of anyone who was really literate or who ever really loved books who wanted to suppress any of them. Censors only read a book with great difficulty, moving their lips as they puzzle out each syllable, when someone tells them that the book is unfit to read.
-----------------------------------
Robertson Davies



"الموت مصير المهر الجامح .. بين البهم المركوبة ! "

هل يمكن أن يزنى الفكر ـ يا أوفيليا بالفكر؟
ـ يمكن جداً فى الدانمرك ـ ما من شىء فى
الدنمرك محال ـ غير الطهر.

------------------------------نجيب سرور


فصودرت حنجرتي بجرم قلة الأدب ،
.وصودر القرآن، لأنه حرضني على الشغب

------------------------------أحمد مطر


Censorship is the tool of those who have the need to hide actualities from themselves and others. Their fear is only their inability to face what is real. Somewhere in their upbringing they were shielded against the total facts of our experience. They were only taught to look one way when many ways exist.

------------------------------Charles Bukowski


(On other blocked blogs)
Yes, there are now other blocked blogs in Saudi. the land of sand, to name one.. so, who's gonna be next?


(On my fellow bloggers' –Saudi and non-Saudi- response to this whole thing)
Bloggers who posted about it and called for action:
Farooha:
Eve's Bayou
Sandmonkey: Unblock Eve
My Head: Bloggers Defend your Rights
Kharabee6: Rescue the Marginalized
pheras: More Petitions to Sign
Aya: Your Cyber Censorship Mission Will Fail
Hyscience : A Real Life' Internet Version Of 'Fahrenheit 451' ?
raf* : Saudi Cyber-Vigilantes effect first Saudi blog ban
ubergirl87: Eve Will Be Back, Because I Said So
Dark Sun: A Tiny Bit of Pushback in the Saudi Blogosphere
Slayer: SaudiEve
Jewaira: Blocked
Sabbah: Unblock Eve’s Blog
Saudi Jeans:
ISU have blocked SaudiEve's blog,
Step-by-Step: tell them they should unblock Eve
The 4th Dimension: Saudi Eve… is blocked!
The Arabist: Help unblock Eve
The skeptic: Saudi Blog Blocked
UAE community blog: Support Saudi Eve
Fouad elfarhen: مدينة الملك عبدالعزيز تحجب مدونة سعودية
Tech Bee: Debloquez Eve
Bloggers who posted the Unblock Saudi Eve badges:
Dodo, Fedo, lostInTransilation, Bissa, Mystique, The Way of Zen
Thank you, thank you all.

(On pro- KACST-bloggers posting about the issue)
I bet they are dying to give their two cents in some specially dedicated post.. but for the time being they've done so on Fouad elfarhen's blog: مدينة الملك عبدالعزيز تحجب مدونة سعودية



2nd thought…

As you know

i was traveling

in May.. and

May was hard,

very hard..

which i'll write about in a seperate post. soon.

______________________

That sanity be kept I sit at open windows,

Regard the sky, make unobtrusive comment on the moon,

Sit at open windows in my shirt,

And let the traffic pass, the signals shine,

The engines run, the brass bands keep in tune,

For sanity must be preserved.

Dylan Thomas's

..

..

..

Posted by SaudiEve at 1:21 AM 8 comments links to this post

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Musings of a blocked bloggerette

..
..
..
Musings of a blocked bloggerette
..
..
..
..

What happens when a site gets singled out and blocked in Saudi?
It gets more hits than it ever did.(Remember; there's no such thing as bad publicity)
..
..


What can you –my fellow bloggers- do about it (if you want to do something about it)?
1- you can fill in an
unblock request
or,
2- You can post about it and do what :
Aya, Farooha, Fouad A. AlFarhan, Kharabee6, My Head, Pheras, Richard, sandmonkey, and Yael K did.

..
..

Why was Saudi Eve singled out and blocked?
Raf* has an entertaining take on why of all blogs Saudi eve was the one to get blocked first. He says: " it's all because of love. a bunch of o.c.s.a.b. kids fell heads-over-heals in love with your writing and the only way that their bosses could prevent them from leaving the forces of evil and come running towards the light (i.e. you) was to block your blog."


My Head thinks it's all because of the Jewish prayer I posted a month ago. Could it be?

Or was it cause I posted that I plan to be abroad for a long time (I.e., I won't notice the block cause I won’t be using Saudi internet access and won't make a fuss about it). And that I'll be too busy to update my blog (I,e. other bloggers won't notice the block cause they won't be visiting my blog anyway)

..
..

What's your take?

Posted by SaudiEve at 1:24 PM 21 comments links to this post

Friday, June 02, 2006

Back and Blocked

Back & Blocked in one day


I'm -temporarily- BACK in Saudi. Only to find out that.. Saudi Eve is officially BLOCKED in Saudi.. Yes, my blog has been singled out and blocked in saudi..

Talk about a welcome home gift from Saudi Arabia. Anyway: I'm leaving Saudi again soon and for a long, long time.

this is a link to the unblock request form.arabic
in english

Posted by SaudiEve at 11:00 PM 4 comments links to this post