Wednesday, October 12, 2005

The Angel


For about eleven years, he has been there for me thru thick and thin. Loving me even when I was unlovable, needing me even when I had nothing worth needing, and hearing me when I needed a friend. And for eleven years I’ve called him “My Angel”.

Many women have their Angels; those who can give you love like no other but are always “right guy, wrong situation” kindda man. For me, the wrong situation factor had to do with the ethnicity of my Angel thus our love – like the bastard son of lovers from two fighting tribes - could only go so far.

As the years went by, I started growing some demands that my Angel – who was bound by our forbidden love situation- couldn’t provide me with. A child, a home, a husband, a financial\life partner, security, someone who’d sleep next to me and not creep out of bed before sunrise etc. And as my demands grew and my biological clock started ticking it was only natural that I start looking for these things thru others, which deeply hurt my angel. The thing is; it seemed perfectly natural to me that my angel would be hurt but it didn’t seem right to me that his demands had to take over my needs. What my angel didn’t realize is that looking for these things with others hurts me too and going thru hopes and false hopes with out him by my side to comfort me hurts me extremely. It felt like having the most loving mother yet having to look for a mother\child relationship with another! It just didn’t feel right!

For more than five years a seemingly non-ending cycle of pain went on; I need, he can’t give, I try to get from another, he feels jealous, I get hurt by his jealousy, he resents my hurt. In short; a great misunderstanding grew between us and a conflict of interests, he wanted me to be happy as long as it was with him! Our love betrayed us both.

For about eleven years, “My Angel” has been there for me thru thick and thin and if God wills it, I would be there for him when i’m with another.


* * * *




Lyrics from the song "When We Dance"
By: Sting

If he loved you
Like I love you
I would walk away in shame
I'd move town I'd change my name
When he watches you
When he counts to buy your soul
On your hand his golden rings
Like he owns a bird that sings
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings

I'm still in love with you
[I'm gonna find a place to live
Give you all I've got to give]
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings

He won't love you
Like I love you
He won't care for you this way
He'll mistreat you if you stay
Come and live with me
We'll have children of our own
I would love you more than life
If you'll come and be my wife
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings
I'm gonna love you more than life
If you will only be my wife
I'm gonna love you more than life
If you will only be my wife
I'm gonna love you night and day
I'm gonna try in every way



Posted by SaudiEve at 1:06 AM

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