Saudi Eve

Power of repetition

Power of repetition



This friend of mine used to say to me…. Everyday for thirteen years say to me… in the sweetest manner say to me....
no one will ever love you as much as I do.
no one will ever love you as much as I do.
no one will ever love you as much as I do.
no one will ever love you as much as I do.
no one will ever love you as much as I do.
no one will ever love you as much as I do.
no one will ever love you as much as I do.
no one will ever love you as much as I do.
no one will ever love you as much as I do.
no one will ever love you as much as I do.
no one will ever love you as much as I do.


This friend of mine loves me no more, now I know.. everyday I feel it more and I know.. after thirteen years it is no more.. and I know:
no one will ever love me.
no one will ever love me.

..

..

Posted by SaudiEve at 1:12 AM 37 comments

Contingency Plan..

Contingency Plan..
(stream of thought while waiting for my turn)

"Every Dog has it's Day"

... second time I catch that man looking at my hands. is it the French-manicure?… I don't remember why I had it done… wonder if he loves the same way he –the one who says "come and stay"- loves? if he smells the same?.... oh! Ya, the important meeting in Riyadh! that's why I had my manicure done… two weeks from now I'll have it redone for him.. him, the one who says "come and stay"… I'll trim my hair.. buy some new stuff.. and board a plane to go be loved, and saved.. I wonder if it's gonna be the same, This time?.. one year has passed… one year.. one year since that august night.. one sweet year… one year of missing.. one year of hearing "come and stay"… one year of going but never staying.. nights we slept next to each other.. nights we parted.. the third time was the hardest.. days we woke up together.. I make coffee, he irons my skirt… days I came back to him.. one year, always to come back again, never to stay.. yes, this time will be different…. It .. might ..be the las-

-oh i mustn't think of that.

.. mustn’t think of his up-coming relocation… that he's going to a far away place.. where I cannot just hop on a plane and be in his bed, saved, in two hours… must think of something else.. can't think of that. …not now.. not here… not with all these men looking at me… that I won't have someone to love me … save me.. …. must think of anything else, anything…where's that handsome man waiting for his turn?.. oh, he's still looking at me.. at my tiny wrists now … he's really good-looking .… exactly the way I like'em.. his hands.. his face… his.. I wonder if he loves the same way he –the one who says, everyday says, for a whole year "Come and stay, Come and stay, Come and stay, Come and stay…

..

..

Posted by SaudiEve at 1:36 AM 20 comments

-Invited..

How good it would've been, to be with you in Budapest today..
We'd sit quietly reading from a book -any book. You'd cook something, anything you wanna cook. I'd calmly say: "that's what I wanted to eat today". You'd be sweet to me as a little boy, and I'd be watching the rain as I said I would..

Then –fed and calm- I'd sleep the night away,

had I been with you in Budapest today.

________________
* From: Spring Morning by A.A. Milne (author of the Winnie the Pooh stories)

Posted by SaudiEve at 9:59 AM 14 comments

On Yahoo/CBS/ALJAZEERA Frontpage

Posted by SaudiEve at 4:48 AM 29 comments

just a thought.. another thought

..

..

Another project.. another business plan.. a marketing plan.. a branding plan.. a breathing plan .. a not-go-insane plan.. will it ever work?.. is this the one?.. have I finally reached my goal?.. or is it just another project.. another plan..

Another day.. another cup of coffee.. another newspaper.. another road.. to another meeting.. that leads to another business trip.. another hotel.. another room.. and another man to go with it.. will it ever work?.. is he the one?.. or is it just another fling.. another man..

Posted by SaudiEve at 3:37 AM 38 comments

Maria; give!

Nothing to be done

..a quiet
weekend at home,
Finally.
(well,
between two homes,
Actually.)
time to read, watch T.V., write, cook, listen to music..

I highly recommend..
Watching:

i'll update the list as the weekend progresses.

Posted by SaudiEve at 2:33 PM 8 comments

Notes on a very bizarre May journey..

Paris, hit and.. stand!!!
I wasn't wearing anything especially objectionable nor especially attractive ( a white semi-fitted t-shirt and a red knee-high skirt)
I wasn't looking angry, happy, I might even have had no specific expression on my face..
I wasn't doing anything any certain race/gender/religion/crazy person might find objectionable..
I was just walking in the very crowded paris pompidou center area, on a nice Parisian afternoon, when a very short thirty-something woman jumped towards me (yes, she didn't run, she jumped in a superman manner), kicked my left leg with all the power God gave her, then stood ominously, staring at me. Ready to strike again.

I, horrified yet having all my survival instincts kicking in..
Suppressed my famous high-pitch scream,
didn't move an inch,
then very very slowly looked at other people without even moving my head…

nobody helped.

A few long, long, eternal minutes later an African-American family of four jumped in for my rescue (their sweet accent can't be mistaken for another).. oh those heroes!
they spread around me, circled me, one on every side. I bet people watching thought they were my own personal bodyguards :-)

For me, what they did means they must've been my family in a previous life.

I didn't even thank them. I just started crying the minute I was out of immediate danger and walked away… walked and didn't stop, didn't even look back, for blocks and blocks and blocks, till I reached my hotel on the other side of the city, went to my room, and slept in my clothes and shoes with my cellular phone/credit cards in my pocket till the next day.

NYC, shokran
If you ever go to New York City you MUST stay (or brunch) at this hotel..

Jumeirah Hotel on central park south (which I keep on referring to as Park lane, because it reminds me of London's park lane)



First time I stumbled upon this place I met this guy in the weirdest way.. he held the door for me. And even though it didn't meet a single Arab in NYC I unexplainably didn't say "thanks" or "merci" but just said "shokran"!
to which he replied "3afwan"!!
We both looked shocked at first, then had the biggest smiles on our faces.. it turned out he's Emiratee.



Well, this ain't the only reason I fell in love with this hotel. But rather cause during an-all-business trip to NYC, It became my "me-time" place. It had all I needed to be transformed from "angry-over-worked-Eve" to "happy-Eve" (well, just at morning hours, to be more precise); rich cappuccinos, some Arabic newspapers, and very luxurious surroundings in a not-so-luxurious city.




Seattle, 2nd floor elevator
We had only met each other four days ago.. but I realized, when I unexpectedly gave him the warmest, longest hug good-bye while we both quietly stood waiting for the elevator after what I thought was our last dinner together on my last night in Seattle, that though we seem to be going in opposite directions; him two floors down to the lobby, I two floors up to my room, that we were both treading the same path; two un-Saudi Saudis in Seattle..

Coming to this conclusion gave me a much needed dose of feeling safe, as I knew I made a friend for life, and I knew God does listen to a worried mom's prayers to send her little girl helpful strangers when caring-close-ones are all on other continents.

We had only met each other four days ago.. a friend called him from Saudi with an-all-familiar-message to any Arabic-over-sees student: hey, a friend-of-a-friend is coming to Seattle, for the first time, and doesn't know a single soul out there, take care of her.

he did.





Beirut, "Saudi fuck-ups welcomed here"
One of the things I love about Libnen –and I'm sure many Saudi's agree- is that the minute I land in Beirut rafe2 el7arere airport 9/11, with all it's horrendous effects on me the normal-everyday-Saudi that had nothing to do with it, is no more.

Furthermore, as far as a Saudi is concerned, in libnen, it is as if time stopped decades ago.
which I didn't really notice before till I came to Beirut from JFK New York City (via Frankfurt), On a united airlines flight!.

A half Lebanese friend once told me " ..in Libnen, Every Saudi is literally treated as royalty. You guys all have diplomatic immunity here. It is kind of as if the oil boom has just happened yesterday. To us, no Saudi is an unemployed, deeply in debt, and here to waist what little dollars they sold their car for. It is still the seventies here" ..

Some might say that we -Saudi's- feel our best in Beirut because we love being treated like royalty, which does have some truth to it since we do perceive ourselves as being all royalty. and it serves our sick qabale background to be treated as royalty; thus better than other nations (especially madane nations). But I see it differently, to me yes, we Saudi's feel our best out of all the cities of the world in Beirut. even, sadly but very true more than we do in our own country. because Beirut gives hope to a hopeless Saudi. Beirut, like a loving mother of a spoiled out of job fifty-something son who wasted the last penny of his inheritance on zilch, it –beirut- still sees us as promising as we were in the seventies, and it still treats us as the average joe/3bdul when the rest of the world , justifiably, looks at us as either the not-so-average-usama or the delusional Casanova-wanna-be.

But why, why does libnen treat Saudi's with this undeserved respect? I think althou the surface reason might seem to be cause of our much needed dollars…. I do differ. I think it has more to it than that. In my opinion, it might have to do with the fact that libnen a country so promising yet ever failing all expectations of all other countries knows exactly how it feels to be a fuck-up. And that even a fuck-up needs to be cut some slack.

So, thank you libnen for being a place where a Saudi, who is entitled to respect from time to time, still gets it.

Posted by SaudiEve at 12:14 AM 11 comments

Still Blocked, Still Blogging (about sex, God, and Jewish prayers)

1st thought..On being blocked

(when it comes to preposterous acts that I cannot even begin to fathom, like censorship, I'm speechless … so I'll use some quotes to express my thoughts)

I never heard of anyone who was really literate or who ever really loved books who wanted to suppress any of them. Censors only read a book with great difficulty, moving their lips as they puzzle out each syllable, when someone tells them that the book is unfit to read.
-----------------------------------Robertson Davies

"الموت مصير المهر الجامح .. بين البهم المركوبة ! "

هل يمكن أن يزنى الفكر ـ يا أوفيليا بالفكر؟
ـ يمكن جداً فى الدانمرك ـ ما من شىء فى
الدنمرك محال ـ غير الطهر.

------------------------------نجيب سرور

فصودرت حنجرتي بجرم قلة الأدب ،
.وصودر القرآن، لأنه حرضني على الشغب

------------------------------أحمد مطر

Censorship is the tool of those who have the need to hide actualities from themselves and others. Their fear is only their inability to face what is real. Somewhere in their upbringing they were shielded against the total facts of our experience. They were only taught to look one way when many ways exist.

------------------------------Charles Bukowski

(On other blocked blogs)
Yes, there are now other blocked blogs in Saudi. the land of sand, to name one.. so, who's gonna be next?

(On my fellow bloggers' –Saudi and non-Saudi- response to this whole thing)
Bloggers who posted about it and called for action:
Farooha: Eve's Bayou
Sandmonkey: Unblock Eve
My Head: Bloggers Defend your Rights
Kharabee6: Rescue the Marginalized
pheras: More Petitions to Sign
Aya: Your Cyber Censorship Mission Will Fail
Hyscience : A Real Life' Internet Version Of 'Fahrenheit 451' ?
raf* : Saudi Cyber-Vigilantes effect first Saudi blog ban
ubergirl87: Eve Will Be Back, Because I Said So
Dark Sun: A Tiny Bit of Pushback in the Saudi Blogosphere
Slayer: SaudiEve
Jewaira: Blocked
Sabbah: Unblock Eve’s Blog
Saudi Jeans: ISU have blocked SaudiEve's blog,
Step-by-Step: tell them they should unblock Eve
The 4th Dimension: Saudi Eve… is blocked!
The Arabist: Help unblock Eve
The skeptic: Saudi Blog Blocked
UAE community blog: Support Saudi Eve
Fouad elfarhen: مدينة الملك عبدالعزيز تحجب مدونة سعودية
Tech Bee: Debloquez Eve
Bloggers who posted the Unblock Saudi Eve badges:
Dodo, Fedo, lostInTransilation, Bissa, Mystique, The Way of Zen
Thank you, thank you all.

(On pro- KACST-bloggers posting about the issue)
I bet they are dying to give their two cents in some specially dedicated post.. but for the time being they've done so on Fouad elfarhen's blog: مدينة الملك عبدالعزيز تحجب مدونة سعودية

2nd thought…

As you know

i was traveling

in May.. and

May was hard,

very hard..

which i'll write about in a seperate post. soon.

______________________

That sanity be kept I sit at open windows,

Regard the sky, make unobtrusive comment on the moon,

Sit at open windows in my shirt,

And let the traffic pass, the signals shine,

The engines run, the brass bands keep in tune,

For sanity must be preserved.

Dylan Thomas's

..

..

..

Posted by SaudiEve at 1:21 AM 6 comments

Musings of a blocked bloggerette

Posted by SaudiEve at 1:24 PM 20 comments

Back and Blocked

Posted by SaudiEve at 11:00 PM 3 comments